An Un-Canonized Psalm of a Weary Heart

People were on their way to my house for our church’s “City Group.” As my children were napping peacefully, I was frantically cleaning my house and yelling out loud to God. 

He had done so much work in my husband since the infidelity, but I had been reminded again that his struggle with lust and approval was not over. 

I was angry. I was hurt.  Finally the words “I am tired. I am weary, Lord!” came from my mouth as I sat down and laid my head on a desk. I was feeling defeated in life, and it showed, even down to the appearance of my house.  

I have used the words “war” and “battle” to describe our spiritual lives. I have never been in a physical war, but I feel certain that it is exhausting. My husband recently reminded me that a war is a series of battles, not just a one time event. So, here we were again - fighting a battle. Albeit small, that day it felt un-conquerable. 

The truth is that I am ready for the war to be won…. and then God so graciously reminds me that the real war has already been won! The afflictions we face daily are but momentary. Yes, it is still war but we are in battle with a Great Commander who says, “Hop on my back and rest while I take care of the fighting!” When I truly rest in him, I do not feel the battle pains in the same way. 

2 Corinthians 4:7-12, 16-18 reminds me:

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.”
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

If this resonates with your spirit, do not lose heart. Rather, take time to read all of 2 Corinthians 4 and reflect on how good Jesus is! 

Lord of Heaven’s Armies, 

I am tired! I am weary! Sometimes I feel like I cannot face another day and it would be easier to let the enemy win, but my heart knows that is not true. 

Proverbs 24:16 tells me that the righteous fall, but rise again. It is the wicked that stumble in the times of calamity. I know that sanctification is process and that we will both fall from time to time. Don’t let us stumble in the ways of the wicked, but rely on you for strength to rise again.

I am again reminded of Nehemiah praying, fighting and rebuilding. Allow me to see the struggles that my husband faces as opportunities to show forgiveness and to bear in his burdens so that I might glorify you. 

Keep me from losing heart, and my eyes on what is eternal. In the hope and rest that is in Jesus.

Thank you for the victory that we already have in your son!

Your Weary in the Round,

Erin

 

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“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved."