An Un-Canonized Psalm of the Undeserving

Regarding the troubles in my marriage, the phrase, “You don’t deserve this” has been spoken to me on many occasions by very loving and well-meaning people. They tell me how nice I am and how they cannot imagine someone hurting me. Perhaps they even think that my husband doesn’t deserve me. It’s hard to disagree with that - especially when pride is a prevalent struggle for me! My flesh immediately wants to respond (and has responded) with “I completely agree!” just before moving into pity party mode.

God has not allowed me to let go of this word lately. Every time I hear “deserve”, it chimes in my head as if it were foreign. It’s hard for me to keep from picturing our 2 year old throwing a temper-tantrum over the candy he thinks he deserves because, after all, he did say “please!” 

Remember our friend David? In 2 Samuel 12: 1-15, when Nathan confronted him about his sin, David knew that he deserved death as a punishment. Nathan then said to David, “The LORD also has put away your sin; you shall not die." 

Praise God that being “nice” is not what allows me to deserve anything. I am a sinner. Just like my husband. All I deserve is death.  In light of Jesus, I have already gotten what I do not deserve - Grace, Forgiveness and Eternal Life! I truly deserve nothing else!

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 6:23

Walking through this life challenge has allowed me to understand this beautiful truth in a new way. A way I may not have otherwise. Praise God!

A friend shared a devotional with me entitled “The Red Sea Rules” by Robert J. Morgan (on sale on Amazon Kindle today for $3.99). It equates hard life situations to the Israelites escape from Egypt in Exodus 14

Many of us have been in a place like the Israelites. They were faced with the Red Sea before them and Pharaoh’s army at their heels, surely feeling like this was the end.  They had to be feeling like they did not deserve to be in this place. They were slaves because of the sin of others, on the run, and now here they were - trapped again. But God let the “impossible” happen - who could have imagined that the sea would part? Only God. 

The Lord will make a way for you where no foot has been before. That which, like a sea, threatens to drown you, shall be a highway for your escape.
- Charles H. Spurgeon 

My faith has been renewed through a life situation that could easily be seen as “impossible” to get through, something that most would say I don’t deserve. It has been a privilege and a blessing to struggle through the pain that God has allowed. 

My precious Savior, 

Help my heart to truly understand what I deserve and more importantly what I do not. 
I hate this prideful battle in my mind that allows me to think that I am good enough to deserve anything. I hate that somehow I believe that you are not always sufficient, that your grace is not always enough to satisfy me. 

Just as you created an impossible way out for the Israelites, you have a plan and a purpose in my circumstances that is far greater than my worldly comforts. 

As David puts it, our sin is against you and you alone. No one is good - not even one. The sin of others that affect me is first an offense to you. Let that be what I care more about. 

Remind me that I can do nothing to earn your grace. I deserved death and you rescued me from that - out of a love that I haven’t done anything to earn. Why do you do that Lord? How can you watch us sin against you - day after day, moment after moment- and love us enough to die for all of it?

Of all the lessons you have given me in life – this is the truth I pray I will never forget. Let it always bring me to my knees!

Your undeserving in the Round,
Erin

 

“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved."

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