An Un-Canonized Psalm of Adultery
So here is the raw truth of my journey. Two years ago my husband and I were welcoming our second son to the world. Within a week of his birth, we closed on our first house (as real adults do).
Two weeks later, my husband lost his job, his relationship with my family was suddenly fractured, and my trust in him crashed - all because his adulterous affair was brought to light.
Because my perfect-seeming husband was an elder in our church, he had to repent to our members and step down from his leadership role.
Everything I knew as stable was so clearly unclear – I had Biblical reason for divorce (so I thought), a busy toddler, a fussy newborn, a new house full of unpacked boxes, no income, no insurance, nowhere to go and a bunch of people who knew my mess before I had cleaned it up!
I searched for resources to gain clarity into my newly chaotic life. However, in nearly every story I found written by Christian women facing the depths of infidelity, the husband was a non-believer. This was incredibly discouraging for me, making me wonder if this man that has been leading me in life could possibly even know Jesus. God is so good though, isn’t he? He was faithful in giving me stories in which I found hope and comfort. The first was King David.
A Sinner and A Man After God’s Own Heart
2 Samuel 11-12 tells the story of David’s sin. He gave into lustful desires with the very beautiful and very married woman, Bathsheba. After learning that she was carrying his child, (in all his brilliance) he quickly turned to deceit and misuse of his power. David first tried to get her husband, Uriah, drunk enough to sleep with Bathsheba so that he would think the baby was his own. When that didn’t work, he decided to have Uriah killed.
Sound unforgivable? Does it feel like something that could only come from the heart of a non-believer? It did to me! Quite the opposite… we all know the story of David and Goliath. Long before his sinful meeting with Bathsheba, young David knew God. God was, in fact, with him. In 1 Samuel 13, the Lord sought out David and describes him as “a man after his own heart.” That only could sound like someone who knows the Lord Almighty! In Psalm 51, David repents for what has happened and you can see his deep heartache - he so clearly knew God before his actions and still made these horrible choices to sin.
1 Kings 15 says, “Nevertheless, for David's sake the Lord his God gave him a lamp in Jerusalem, setting up his son after him, and establishing Jerusalem, because David did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and did not turn aside from anything that he commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.”
Don’t slide past that quick phrase, “setting up his son after him.” The son of David described in this verse is actually referring to Jesus! God really did put our magnificent Savior directly in David’s bloodline! The adulterous, selfish, murderer! The redemption story doesn’t get much better than that!
My prayer is that Jesus would speak directly to the hearts of other women through the words the Holy Spirit has given me when I am truly honest with him. Like David (and every other person who has stepped foot on this earth), I have seasons when I feel sad, joyful, lonely, loved, scared, thankful, anxious, undeserving, regretful, blessed… and well, clearly a little crazy!
So, Here is my Heart…
You never cease to amaze me! Thank you for stirring Ashley’s heart to draw women together to minister to women and for the courage to start this blog. Thank you for strengthening my husband to be brave enough to trust you more than his appearance to the world.
Thank you for the vulnerable women who spoke at the “If: Gathering” that encouraged me to believe that I can run this faith race with endurance because others have gone before me and that above all your son joyfully endured the cross for my life.
Thank you for the Holy Spirit that lives and dwells in me by no doing of my own! Thank you for the recent encouragement that the power that lives in me as a believer in Christ is all the courage I need to share the story you have blessed me with. God, the thought that you might use it to minister to even just one person in this world is unbelievable. So, Father as you and I walk through the pain and heartache and anger that I have lived all too recently, I pray that you would protect me from sin and remind me now of how you have and will continue to carry me through it all. Let this not just be my story, but yours!
Your daughter in the round,
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