It’s 4 am. I am awake like it is 10! All is quiet and seems well, but my mind is so loud Lord! I have been just lying in bed, listening to the sweet, deep breaths of my husband (and dog) while my mind whirls. The burden, Lord, of other people’s hurts are all around me.
My mind playing every scenario, every fabricated fear, every possible worry. Somehow I must believe from this paralyzed position in the dark of the morning that my worrying could control the world.
Chronic Illness that may lead to death, marriages that seem they will never be loving or honoring to you, suicide, stifling anxiety, worries of “If I had said or done something differently?,” painful unforgiveness, broken families, people starving, children in homes that no one should live in…
Where are you in all of this?
I know, because I know that you are there. Not missing a beat. You knew every story before the foundation of the world. Why do I act like I don’t believe it?
You tell me to be anxious for nothing, but instead be in prayer (Philippians 4:5-7).
I am trying to pray in this quiet house and I cannot seem to clear the noise enough to listen for you.
I barely finish one thought before the next one starts… person after person and the things you are allowing them to go through. Some know you and some do not. Some turning to you, many are not. Many of their challenges are consequences of their own sinful choices, but I still want to free them from the pain…
I want to be their rescuer, their hero, their savior. Praise you that I am not! My idea of freedom is much different from yours. Your ways are not my ways. I would never plan for pain to allow grace to be so clear and no one would know you. At least not the way they should.
Help me to breathe, deep breaths right now, precious Lord.
Help me to feel you, know you, trust you. Allow the Holy Spirit to pray the prayers I cannot. Allow me to know what is not mine to control. Let me take ownership of the things that are my responsibility and give you the things that are your concern. But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head (Psalm 3:3).
In the powerful name of Jesus. Amen.
I imagine this song as God’s response to me.
I suggest you close you eyes and listen to Him speak to you wherever you are at...