Shortly after we were married, someone asked me the question, “Did you marry your best friend?”
It took me a moment to contemplate the question. My emotions and feelings were mixed. My best friend? A best friend, in my mind, was someone who knew the deepest corners of my heart; some-one who knew everything about me.
It felt horrible to say aloud, but my answer was “no”.
Now, I absolutely believed that my husband would become my best friend. I believed that he would love me unconditionally as the deepest parts of my heart were unveiled throughout the course of our marriage. But there were pieces of my heart that I had not shared in order to maintain purity in our relationship. I believe that maintaining purity involves physical, emotional, and spiritual purity.
Purity Before Marriage
Most purity advice for dating and engaged couples tend to focus only or largely on physical purity. However, it is crucial to preserve emotional and spiritual purity as well. Our bodies, hearts and minds are connected and intertwined. That’s why Jesus calls us to love Him with all our “hearts, souls, minds and strength”.
It follows then, that as a dating couple becomes close in one aspect of a relationship, it is easy to want the other aspects to “catch up” and find equilibrium. So, my husband and I weren’t just saving physical intimacy for marriage, but we cautiously guarded our hearts so that we could save emotional and spiritual intimacy as well. It was a delicate balance of being transparent and “uncovered” without uniting our hearts as one before marriage.
Intimacy After Marriage
After marriage, however, God calls us to become one (Gen. 2:24). This meant letting my husband see further and further into the depths of my heart. He gets to see everything – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sharing life together, our hearts are completely exposed, yet we still love each other. We encourage the good (Heb. 3:13), rely on the Lord to transform the bad (Rom. 12:1-2), and forgive the ugly (Eph. 4:32).
My husband is now, without a doubt, my absolute best friend. Nobody knows me as well as he does, yet I can still rest safe and secure in his love and friendship. Digging deep into each other’s hearts and pursuing the intimacy of being best friends with each other is one of the most important parts of our relationship.
If you are dating or engaged, I want to encourage you to think about protecting not only your physical purity, but your emotional and spiritual purity as well.
Learning how to protect your emotional and spiritual purity now will help your heart from prematurely becoming knit together with someone else’s. If you have these conscious boundaries, it will also help you after you are married to protect the intimacy you have with your spouse.
See You In The Round!