Anger, sadness, fear of being left, confusion, and hurt are just a few of the feelings that children in foster care and adoption experience over the course of their lifetimes. Even the happiest, most adjusted adopted children struggle with negative emotions at one point or another concerning their past life. Working through these feelings is a process. Victories are measured in moments.
Tonight my five year old had one of these adoption miracle moments. I have had them with all of my older children – a time when they break down and question everything that has happened to them in the past.
My heart cried inside for my little girl. It can be hard to not take it personally during the moments of the child’s anger; this type of anger had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with HEALING.
As she talked to me, I was able to hear so much more than the words she was saying. I heard the scarred heart behind each memory. The anger flowed out like ripping off a Band-Aid. As her head bent lower and lower, the past came pouring out of her.
I put my finger under her chin and lifted her face so I was able to see her beautiful dark eyes.
“I know that your past was hard. I’m so sad with you that it hurt. God knows the plans He has for you, plans not to harm you but to give you hope and a future. You are going to be ok. Mama’s got you now and I’m not going to leave you. I am so happy you are my daughter. God loves you and I love you. You are smart, beautiful, and fun to be around. And you have the best smile in the whole wide world.”
My sweet daughter fell into me, clinging to my neck tighter than a koala bear, tears streaming down her cheeks and onto my shoulder.
The soft “I love you, Mommy” and “I’m so happy you are my Mommy so I get to be with you” was enough to make my heart want to adopt 100 more children. These are the moments of healing that I know without a doubt that, no matter what else life throws at us, we can always cherish this moment of healing and love.
We held each other close as the anger dissipated, our thankful hearts for one another growing our bond as a united family.
Miracles do happen. I see them happening every day through healing moments such as this.
Did you ever think that God was saying this to you? “It’s ok my child, I’ve got you now. I will never leave you. I am sad with you that you are hurting. I am so happy to be the one to hold you, so come to me. Come to me when you are exhausted. Come to me when you are hurting. Come to me and allow me to comfort you my child.”
I admire these lyrics by Steven Curtis Chapman, When Love Takes You In
“And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever cause this love to lose its hold
When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good”
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Jesus’ words in Matthew aren’t just for the tired person, but also for the burdened soul. It is an invitation to come, fall into Jesus’ arms. Our Heavenly Father can comfort us because of the redemption of Jesus dying on the cross for our immoralities.
When my daughter fell into my arms exhausted from deep anguish, she depended on me to catch her. This is the picture Jesus paints in Matthew 11:38. To come to Jesus means to trust Him completely, to fall into His loving arms, to receive comfort for our souls.
That night, she clung to me, the tight embrace of a child relying on her mother for love.
What are you clinging to today? Are you feeling exhausted from all the world is throwing at you? May we find peace, joy, comfort and rest clinging to the cross in a miraculous moment of healing in our own lives.
“I love you Father God. I am so happy you are my Father so we get to be together.”