“Honestly, I don't think I want to go with a fixer-upper,” the woman on an episode of Property Brothers was saying. “Roger has done some home projects before, and he takes so long to finish them. He just thinks they're fun!” I felt so bad for the guy—his wife and two daughters were ripping on him the whole episode, downplaying any renovation abilities he had, saying without really saying they thought little of his work and abilities.
How often have you seen something like that? A wife and husband on opposite sides, with the kids having to choose between them. What kind of choice is that?? And siding with your children before your spouse? It's not right!
The support a wife should give her husband is really another blog post, but the way she treats him tells the children how they also should treat him—if poorly, it tells them that mother and father are separate entities, not a unit. But they should be! When you declare before God that you will love, honor, and cherish this person till death do you part, being separate like that is no way to live.
“'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
We've all heard these verses at weddings, and yes, verse 6 can mean divorce, but I think it also can talk about a husband and wife being on the same page. It's so vital to a marriage that communication be open and man and wife act as one. “One flesh” doesn't only mean sex!
I often listen to the Family Life Today podcast, and recently they interviewed Stephen and Alex Kendrick, brothers who authored The Love Dare for Parents, which contains a 40-challenge for parents to, according to the podcast transcript, “get on the same page together and to be proactive in making sure that the kids understand, in some very specific ways—'You’re loved. You’re valued. You’re appreciated,'—so that they grow up with a sense of God’s love filtering through you guys.” You can't do that when you're not a true unit as parents.
So many parents nowadays, especially moms, seem to value their children more than their husbands, sometimes being more of a friend than a parent. But in order for a home centered on God to function and be grounded as it should, the marital relationship has to come first, then kids.
It almost sounds wrong, but as I similarly wrote before, a solid relationship between a husband and a wife is the best way to lay a good foundation and godly home for your kids. I couldn't help but wonder about Roger and his wife on Property Brothers—was that strife just for TV, or do the females of the family really gang up on him that much in real life?
On the podcast, Alex said, “The Lord is number one; then your spouse; then, the children. When the children see that, they will carry that on to their families.” It gives the children security and stability when they see mother and father being one entity, and it's the way God designed families.
Parents need to be parents, not friends. Going behind their spouse's back, even in the smallest way, undermines their authority as a whole. Loving your spouse and growing together in the Lord is one of the best things you can do for your children!
See You In The Round!
*Scripture quotations are from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.