Yup. That’s right folks.
I am my own worst nightmare.
I am ‘boy-crazy’, but before you judge me, let me explain what I mean:
- I am addicted to the thought of something exciting and new; a different future.
- I am addicted to living in a world where I get to enjoy all the excitement and exhilaration of new potential without any of the real danger of being hurt or known or disappointed.
Boy-craziness really has nothing to do with boys. It would better be titled ‘potential-addiction’. It can play out in dreams of vacations or more kids or different kids or a different spouse or a different job or a new promotion or even going to the nations.
‘Potential-addiction': the satisfaction of spending your energy on a fantasy that isn’t reality. The fact that it isn’t reality is exactly what makes it so satisfying. It doesn’t even have to be a potentially good future. Some of us constantly entertain all the negative possible outcomes of our lives so we can get ahead of what might be.
Honestly, it’s hard for me to even type the phrase ‘boy-crazy’. I guess I think that it’s the most embarrassing and humiliating way for ‘potential-addiction’ to play out. Turns out I that I think a fantasy life spent on careers or the romantic idea of going to the nations is a lot more respectable then one that terminates on marriage.
Gosh, sin is sneaky. I hate the way it convinces you that certain struggles are more valid than others. I hate the way you can become proud of your sin and begin to judge others because their sins are ‘lamer’ than yours. Lame.
There are no shortage of married women out there who find fantasies to free them from dissatisfaction with reality. There are no shortage of committed-singles who have no interest in a spouse because they are addicted to the potential of the wild and crazy opportunities they have in singleness. There are no shortage of business men obsessed with dreams of more power or a better title. And yeah, there are no shortage of gals who are boy-crazy.
It’s culture – not God – that makes one of those ‘potential-addictions’ more shameful than the others.
Here are my two thoughts on how to deal with this pesky ‘potential-addiction':
1. Fight for today. I believe that I have everything I need for life and Godliness. Today, God has written my life perfectly for me to know Him better and reflect Him more clearly today. I don’t want to waste today. I will never have it again.
I will never again have the unique joys and the unique pains of today. I will never again get to have the to-do list I have today. I will never again get to be in the exact place I am today: missing my dad, confused about my identity, alone and afraid and yet excited and sure about God’s great hold on me.
I don’t want to waste this day.
I think the worst thing about ‘potential-addiction’ is that it keeps you convinced that the main joy of today is found in thinking about tomorrow and because of that it keeps you paralyzed from exploiting the present for the glory of God.
2. Cultivate potential-addiction. Hmm. I know this seems like the EXACT opposite of what I just said, but it’s not.
The problem with our potential-addiction isn’t the addiction itself, it’s the potential that we’re addicted to. We’re addicted to the potential of boys or jobs or kids or freedom instead of being addicted to the potential of more of Jesus.
Today doesn’t seem to us to have the fullness of joy because today does NOT hold the fullness of joy. We long for a different life because we were made for a different life. God made me to fill my present with thoughts of the future: an eternal future with Him. I’m supposed to day dream about the man who is God who is coming on a cloud with a sword in His hand to judge the living and the dead and those day dreams are supposed to fuel my ability to spend today in a way that honors Him.
My imagination is not an enemy of God. It is a glorious gift in the hands of a mighty Father who longs for me to want more than this life; to long for the day when my faith is cannibalized by sight.
Surely that’s the most exciting potential in the world.
Gosh. May our God give us the grace to be more excited about His return than the potential of a date or a promotion or even having a baby. May He make us addicted to the potential of more of Him.